Great question! The fact that you are asking that question means you want to understand it well enough to handle your worrying better and to see what can be done to worry less.
The Dictionary says worry means to give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.
Here’s what we know, to take the time to dwell on, and think about difficulty or troubles takes mental energy. The amount of energy it takes depends on the amount of time and effort we lend to each subject we are worrying about. We also know that we only have a certain amount of energy in a day, so it’s safe to say if we are using a large amount of that energy for worrying we will have little energy to accomplish anything else.
Some of my coaching clients come to me with the symptoms of worry, they say things like, “There’s not enough time in the day,” “I’m just so tired,” “I don’t seem to be able to get anything accomplished.” They don’t even realize that worry is the main problem that is causing their frustration.
So how can we handle worry, reduce the amount of time and energy we spend on it and make ourselves feel better at the same time?
To handle worry we need to be self aware enough to know that it is happening. Worry grabs everyone the differently, it will be up to you to notice it, whether that is a feeling of dread, nervousness, sorrow, sick to your stomach, whatever the effect is on you notice it and immediately identify why it’s happening.
The next step is to ask ourselves a few questions to get to the root of why the worry is happening. Is it because we know too little about the thing we are worrying about? Do you know too much? Do you feel that if you worry you are contributing to the solution or helping in some way? Do you feel that the world is a dangerous place, where bad things happen and therefore spending time worrying is justified? Let’s break down each of these:
Problem: I worry because I know too little about the subject.
Solution: Get more information, however you need to do that. The Internet is great for finding experts on all subjects that you might need information on, or you might need to know how to ask better questions, improve your communication skills and make sure you get the information you need to cut your worrying to a minimum.
Problem: I know too much information
Solution: Often this brings your values into play, try to calmly come up with a solution or a plan of action that works with the information you know. Trust your gut on this one, quite often our subconscious already know what we should do.
Problem: If I worry about something it shows I care and helps with the solution.
Solution: Concern is natural, negatively worrying doesn’t do anyone any good. Your energy is better spent trying to help, do what ever you can do to make the situation better, stay positive and send positive thoughts or prayers if you can’t think of anything more helpful.
Problem: I feel the world is a dangerous place.
Solution: I can be, but it can also be a wonderful place where many positive things happen. We get what we focus on and if we are determined to find all the negative in the world, guess what? We will. I have this conversation with my Mom from time to time, the world is not as bad as the News Shows want to to believe it is, and that we can only influence what we have the power to influence, try not to paint an overwhelming picture.
The Final Lesson By The Great Dale Carnegie
Here is his 4 step process for handling worry, he says we can:
- Write down what we are worried about
- Write down what we can do about it
- Decide what we will do
- Start immediately on carrying out that decision