Category: Power Posts

What If I Am Afraid To Have Passion?

What if I am afraid to have passion? Sounds like a silly question in a way. When we are passionate about something it creates energy, and flow, it’s positive and therapeutic. A better question might be “Why wouldn’t we want to have passion?”

Are you afraid to find your passion?

So the other night I was reading Gary Vee’s Crushing It (a book about promoting yourself and your business, it’s more than that but I want to stay focused here) and he had a section that highlighted the fact that sometimes people have more passion than they have expertise and that’s ok. When that happens it’s sometimes hard to create enough content needed to provide value to your audience, he recommends the content be a documentation of the journey. Documentation vs. creation.

That makes a lot of sense but it’s hard because that means we have to be vulnerable. That’s where my perfectionism tendencies start creeping in on me. I feel like I don’t want to launch something or post something that isn’t polished (it’s something I am working on everyday and it’s what’s held back the growth of what we are trying to do with Success Stampede).

But more important and what I want to focus on here is the feeling I got when I read passion over expertise. Having passion and enthusiasm are very important to the health of your project. Which brings me to the question…

What if I am afraid to have passion?

When I read the line “it’s not a problem if you have more passion than expertise,” for a split second a little movie ran through my head and it had a lot of clips of things that I loved and felt very passionate about, but these were the things that broke my heart because they didn’t work out. From crushes I had when I was an awkward young man (I’m still awkward at times, I’m just older and more experienced now) to career paths, to businesses that didn’t have the success they should have. When these things failed it hurt.

That line made me realize that no matter how far we’ve come in life’s transitions and transformations as we push ourselves to get 5% better than the day before, we still have things from our past that get drawn out when change is happening or about to happen.

For a second it felt a little defeating, but then the realization that I was having that feeling allowed me to slow down that thought and really take a look at where it came from and how it has affected me and my life.

What I discovered is the pain that came from having passion and experiencing a let down trained me to think PASSION = PAIN. WTH? So if I’m not passionate I don’t put myself in the situation that could bring pain. It’s just me protecting me.

So here it is, I’m being my authentic self, I’m so excited about discovering these thoughts and feelings in myself that I want to share it with you. In hopes that if you or someone you care about are having some life transition anxiety this example might help.

The way I processed this insight was realizing that the negative movie clips in my head each had a different set of circumstances, I was at a different place in my life and each contained actions or in some cases inaction that I have worked hard to eliminate from my life. So even though the memory of those things happening in past seemed very real, many of those things have been removed and replaced with new habits that serve me.

When I looked back at what brought this feeling on it was simply a new challenge I wasn’t clear on (and a little afraid of), and after I was able to take a few minutes and get clear, I decided that what was just going to be a journal entry would probably serve people better as a blog post. To use one of my 12 year old daughter’s lines…”You’re welcome!” ; )

Lack Of Clarity?

Lacking ClarityBy Steve Pavlina

Clarity

If a lack of clarity prevents you from taking action, then find or develop a process to gain sufficient clarity to act. Stop acting like this is an unsolvable problem. It isn’t.

One basic method begins with writing a mission statement that encapsulates the core purpose of your life.

Mission Statement

Your mission statement is your proposed contract with life. It basically answers two questions:

  1. What do you want to contribute?
  2. What do you want to receive?

I recently updated my company’s mission statement. Here’s the current version.

Pavlina’s mission is:

  • to explore, clarify, and elegantly codify conscious growth
  • to challenge the status quo, to take intelligent risks, and to experiment
  • to strengthen our global society’s alignment with truth, love, and power
  • to advance conscious growth ambitiously, tenaciously, and sustainably
  • to balance inspired innovation, co-creative teamwork, and disciplined execution
  • to progressively embrace the highest standards of excellence and mastery
  • and to lead and inspire with authority, audacity, playfulness, and love

The giving and receiving aspects of this company mission are tightly woven together. I deeply enjoy the process of working on conscious growth. The people I work with generally feel the same. But that doesn’t have to be the case. You could have a mission that sees you contributing and receiving through different channels.

I also have a personal mission statement, which has a lot in common with the company mission but is slightly different.

My personal mission is:

  • to explore, understand, and integrate life’s intelligent order
  • to insightfully clarify, elegantly codify, and ambitiously advance this order
  • to lead and inspire with authority, audacity, playfulness, and love
  • to progressively embrace the highest standards of excellence and mastery
  • to balance inspired innovation, co-creative teamwork, and disciplined execution
  • to abundantly enjoy life’s finest rewards
  • and to prepare myself for other phases of existence

Part of my contract with life is that if I am to pursue a grand purpose, I expect that life will back me up. I don’t expect it to make things easy for me, but I expect it to cooperate in helping me learn the important lessons and not waste my time with trivial and unnecessary blocks. Once I learn and integrate a key lesson, I expect to be able to progress and move on.

For instance, after I learned how to contribute value to others in ways I found fulfilling and got past the stupidity of scarcity thinking, I expected life to support me with the proper tools to do the job well. So I shamelessly buy the best tools of the trade that I can, and I appreciate those tools as I use them. I don’t skimp.

I find that when I act in alignment with my mission, life does indeed back me up. I experience the abundance I desire to feel supported.

Of course the entire proposal exists in my own mind, so if I believe that life and I have come to a certain arrangement, then of course we have. Life is just an imaginary concept. What I’m really doing is negotiating a deal within myself, one that gives me enough clarity to act with conviction.

If you develop a mission statement that’s overly self-sacrificing and burdensome, you’ll procrastinate on implementing it and will often get stuck because you won’t feel very supported by life. You may even feel beaten down. On the other hand, if your mission is all about me-me-me, no one is going to care whether you succeed or not, and deep down you’re going to know that your mission is irrelevant to everyone else. You’ll sabotage yourself from working on it because there’s no greater need to fulfill it.

An intelligent mission statement properly balances what you desire to contribute to life and what you desire to receive from life. Nature operates on similar principles. A species that is too giving dies off. A species that is too greedy dies off. A balanced approach is more optimal.

Some other questions you can ask to help clarify your mission include:

  1. What’s the most important thing I could do with my life?
  2. What kind of person do I desire to become?
  3. What kind of support would I like to receive from life?
  4. How do I want to live?
  5. What do I care about?
  6. What’s the point of my being here?
  7. What would I like to experience before I pass on?
  8. What stimulates me mentally?
  9. What lights me up emotionally?
  10. What calls to my spirit?
  11. What do I want to create?
  12. What do I want to leave behind as my legacy?
  13. What do I believe is the real point of life?
  14. What kinds of people do I want to share my journey with?

Your mission statement should make you smile when you read it. It should stir something powerful within you. You should look at it and be able to say, “Yup, that’s me alright!”

Your mission statement will evolve over time — that’s to be expected as you learn and grow. If you take the time to carefully and intelligently write one and do the best job you can, it will pay huge dividends in clarity.

Goals

With a clear mission (statement of purpose), you can derive specific goals. Your mission is your general direction in life. Your goals are the milestones on your path.

Begin by setting some long-term goals (2+ years out) to express and explore your mission. This is where you connect the dots between your purpose and your skills. You may need to develop new skills to fulfill your mission, so include the development of those skills as long-term goals. For instance, I took several years to develop my public speaking skills before I ever did my first paid professional speech.

Put these goals in priority order from most important to least important. Ask, “If I could only accomplish one item on this list, what would it be?” Then ask, “If I could only accomplish one more item on this list, what would that be?” And so on.

Then set 1-year goals based on those long-term goals. Prioritize them.

Then set goals for this quarter based on your 1-year goals. Prioritize them. Update this list at the beginning of each quarter. I also think it’s wise to update your 1-year goals at the beginning of each quarter too, so you can account for any progress or setbacks to refine your targets.

Then set goals for this month based on your quarter’s goals. Prioritize them. Update this list at the beginning of each month.

At the start of each week, set this week’s goals based on your month’s goals. Add your urgent and time-sensitive items to your week as well, the items that aren’t necessarily mission-based. Prioritize them with a focus on getting your important items done early in the week and using the rest of the week to handle your urgent but less important items. Learn to procrastinate on the unimportant.

At the start of each day (or preferably at the end of each day), set goals for the upcoming day. Prioritize them.

This takes some effort to create these lists the first time, but it’s fairly easy to maintain if you get into the habit of working this way.

Take the time to do this job in excellent fashion. Sit down for a few hours, fire up your brain, and set the most thoughtful goals you can. I like to do this in a fairly dark room, either sitting by the fireplace or by candlelight, with some nature sounds playing (like rain or ocean waves). Creating a relaxing and meditative environment for goal setting really helps me concentrate deeply and do a good job. I know from experience that doing sloppy work here will only make the implementation phase a painful and frustrating mess. Goal setting is very challenging work, and so it deserves a modicum of respect.

After you complete each goal list, read it over and ask yourself, “Are these the very best goals I can set?” If the answer is no, or if you hesitate and aren’t sure, take a break, go back to your list when you’re fresh, and do another round of revision.

In addition to deriving goals from your mission, you can also add some goals that aren’t mission based. That’s perfectly fine. But if you find yourself doing this a lot, take a step back to see if you notice any patterns in those other goals. They may hint at new elements you could wrap into your mission statement. For instance, I love doing personal growth experiments, and eventually I realized that this drive to experiment should be a part of my mission — and part of my company’s mission as well.

If I were creating all these goal lists from scratch, I’d spend 1-2 hours setting goals for each of the long-term, 1-year, and quarterly time frames. So just doing those would take 3-6 hours. To set goals for the month takes about 15-30 minutes. To set goals for the week takes about 10 minutes. To set goals for the day usually takes about 5 minutes.

Once these lists are created, the ongoing maintenance of this system is fairly low… usually just 5 minutes a day of selecting and prioritizing the next day’s tasks, done at the end of each day. Then progressively deeper planning is done at the end of each week, month, and quarter. But the time investment isn’t significant relative to the payoff in clarity.

Action

At the start of each day, review your mission and your goals for each time frame. This only takes 5-10 minutes. As you do this, imagine your goals for each time frame as already accomplished. Notice the causal chain. See how your daily actions ultimately link to your long-term goals and how your goals reflect your mission. Really let it sink in that how you behave today will either be aligned with your path, or it won’t.

Commit yourself to making progress today. Determine to move forward today into the expression of your mission. This daily renewal of commitment is very important. It helps prevent you from being blown off track and getting caught up in trivialities and distractions.

Now get to work. Begin with the first task on your daily list. Tune out and ignore everything else. Your greatest challenge will be to develop the habit of working through your daily list in priority order. Don’t jump around. Don’t distract yourself with trivial items. Learn to become importance-driven and not urgency-driven.

If you need a break, take a break. Then continue with the next task on your list.

The nice thing about this simple system is that you don’t need to make decisions about what to do during most days. You can simply relax into action. You’ve already done the thoughtful decision-making and clarification of what is to be done, and in what order. This is why it’s so important to do that goal-setting and planning work in an excellent fashion. If you know you did your best in the planning phase, then you’ll be able to relax into action during the execution phase. You’ll trust that these are the right actions to move you forward intelligently.

If, however, you do a sloppy planning job, you’ll second guess your decisions when you try to execute. You’ll blow off your daily lists. You’ll tackle items out of priority order. You’ll squander your days doing unimportant tasks. Then the urgent items will eventually pile up, and you’ll have to put your long-term goals aside to catch up on more trivial ones. After a few days of this, you won’t bother planning at all. Then you’ll drift for a few months or perhaps even years. And eventually you’ll take another stab at this and repeat the process.

I’d like to save you some hardship by emphasizing as much as possible the importance of setting goals with the utmost care and thought. The same goes for creating a quality mission statement. Don’t be surprised if it takes you several days to come up with a mission statement that you really feel is your best work. This is still a relative small investment across your lifetime, but it will save you an extraordinary amount of time in execution.

Creating Flow

What about going with the flow? If you do that on a daily basis without a clear direction, you’ll basically end up going with the flow of a random mixture of other people’s missions. That may sound okay, but it’s overly chaotic and not particularly fulfilling in the long run. Try it for a decade or two if you must, and then notice the sinking sensation that you’re falling behind in life and missing the boat. That’s because you are missing the boat. You’re not leading your life. This version of going with the flow is merely drifting aimlessly. There’s no honor in it.

The more intelligent application of going with the flow is to define your desired flow first. Then go with the flow of that purpose. Sometimes you can simply relax into it. Other times it may require paddling. Don’t use going with the flow as an excuse for doing nothing worthwhile with your life.

If you really can’t define your own flow yet, then go attach yourself to someone else’s flow. Make this a conscious choice as opposed to a haphazard one. Don’t just go work for some random company because you think you need a job. Seek out someone you respect or admire, or go to work for a company whose values inspire you. Work for free if you must. The educational value of such an apprenticeship will pay huge dividends down the road, both in the skills you’ll gain and the increase in clarity about your own path. If you eventually realize your purpose must flow in a different direction, then you can take the time to articulate that flow and begin pursuing it more consciously.

Remember that the days of your life are going to pass anyway. You can spend those days flowing towards a greater purpose and enjoying the many rewards of clarity and deliberate execution. Or you can keep drifting, occasionally complaining about not knowing what to do as if that’s a unique problem (no, it’s a solvable one) or as if that somehow gets you off the hook (it doesn’t), and then you’ll suffer the consequences of lifelong regret (which is preventable).

In the long run, it’s easier and more fulfilling to live a thoughtfully considered life in alignment with an inspiring purpose, mainly because you get to experience and enjoy lots of what you desire. After a while the path becomes largely self-sustaining. It’s harder to drift aimlessly because then you only get to watch other people enjoying their lives fully, which may induce feelings like resentment, depression, or helplessness. If you’re feeling any of that anger, resentment, or regret now, that’s good. Go channel it into some fresh decisions. Write a new mission statement, and set some thoughtful goals. It isn’t too late to get yourself back on track.

Recovering Perfectionist Thoughts, Well That’s Just Perfect!

As a recovering perfectionist: I thought I’d revisit this graphic and a  quote from Brene Brown:

“Want To Be Happy? Stop Trying To Be Perfect”

Being perfect, or trying to be perfect is a thankless task. It causes self doubt and procrastination, and it is exhausting. What is that thing you’ve been working on but haven’t launched yet? or the conversation you want to have with someone and you want it to go perfect? Stop waiting, gather what you’ve got and go for it. Be authentic, and just be you!

I say I am a recovering perfectionist because I am more aware now of when these types actions are working against us.

More Recovering Perfectionist Thoughts:

Most of my perfectionist habits were picked up when I finally got what I thought was my dream job, as a designer for an ad agency. That’s where perfection was a must, we received many of our accounts by promising the creative deliverables in half the time as anyone else, one mistake on a print job meant we wouldn’t deliver on our promise, or we would have to eat the expense of reprinting. The same would happen if we were trying to make a publication deadline, and if something got through the system (no matter how many eyeballs had proofed it) that wasn’t perfect there is no reprint it’s there for the life of that publication printing.

As a recovering perfectionist, some of the perfectionistic habits I have are healthy, especially when it comes to work quality, those are the ones I try to hold on to.

I was once the co-owner of a sandwich shop, where we all had to deal with our own forms of perfectionism, some could be viewed as healthy perfectionism and worked in our favor and some would look like unhealthy perfectionism. For example, some of our employees had in their mind what a perfect sandwich was, and if their vision never included mayonnaise then quite often we would get complaints that the mayo was left off a customers sandwich.

A perfectionist mentality came in handy when it was focused on making sure every order request was met. When an order was wrong we knew we had a chance to anger or lose a customer. One day during a Friday lunch rush there was a 15 minute wait for walk-in take-out orders, like most working people our customers counted on getting in and out so they could eat and get back to work on time. So when you wait that long and your order is wrong it can trigger that Incredible Hulk gene in some. I remember one day one of our construction industry customers had waited about 20 minutes on 5 sandwiches for the crew, he left only to return 10 minutes later to Hulk smash his way through the door, with a half unwrapped sub letting everyone know there was unwanted mustard on his sandwich.

We had a very long bar/serving counter on one side of the restaurant, which is where he decided to throw the half wrapped sandwich, it quickly slid down the bar like a jet trying to take off from a runway, it was about that time when my partner came out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was about. The sub hit him right in the chest and even though his reflexes kicked in and he caught the sub, and mustard splattered everywhere. Mustard really shows up well on a hunter green work shirt, it was tense and funny all at the same time. Yet another example of when some healthy perfectionism could have come in handy.

 

What Are You Saying Yes To?

One of my favorite teachers, and someone I have learned so much from is Rich Litvin, here is a paraphrased quote from one of his sessions that I look at often,

“Life can’t be amazing if you say yes
to anything less than amazing”

This concept made me stop and really look at all that I was doing and ask myself, “What am I doing that is less than amazing? What am I saying yes to that I shouldn’t have?”

For me I had some projects that I had already started that needed to be finished, because I said I would and they were less than amazing, but I told myself, after these are complete we will take extra care choosing the next project. I quickly found that some of the challenges I was running in to got clear, like trying to answer these questions:

What am I passionate about and would do regardless if I got paid?

What is the work I can’t not do?

What do I want to be when I grow up?

When I adopted this filter, everything started getting easier, I saw my passion and enthusiasm increase, my projects became more personal, more like me, and best of all they got easier. My guess is before I was making things harder on myself, choosing to struggle with stuff that wasn’t amazing, I taught myself to be OK with grinding along.

I still slip here and there, but just knowing what to look for takes the pressure off.

Give this concept a try and let me know what you think…

 

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